The Australian, January 26, 2023
A satirical scene at a restaurant, imagined by The
Mocker
Prime Minister Anthony Albanese suggested a draft referendum question for a so-called
indigenous voice to Parliament. His strategy to persuade Australians to vote for the proposal
is to dispense with the details and vote with your heart. Don’t voters have a right to be fully
informed?
Mr Albanese and Indigenous Australians minister Linda Burney have consistently
prevaricated when asked about the voice model and have been nobbling the no campaign. For
example, unlike the republic referendum, no public moneys will be allocated to the yes case
or the no case. Yet, Albanese is providing taxpayer money for a “public education campaign”
on the voice referendum.
Indigenous Australians Minister Linda Burney.
Picture: NCA NewsWire/Jeremy Piper
Professor Marcia Langton (who, with Professor Tom Calma, co-authored the Indigenous
Voice Co-design Process), has accused the no camp of waging a “hateful culture war” of
“cynicism and redneck opportunism” based on “misinformation”.
A few months ago I spotted Minister Burney by chance at a Chinese restaurant. It gave rise to
a hypothetical conversation – what if a waiter explained the menu to Burney in the manner
she responds to questions about the voice model?
An imagined scene at a restaurant
Waiter: Good evening and welcome. I’ll be taking your order.
Burney: Thank you. Could I please have the prawn dumplings to begin with, followed
by the Mongolian lamb and …
Waiter: Sorry to interrupt, but we have revised our ordering process. This is our new
menu. [Hands leatherbound folder to Burney]
Burney: [Opens folder, revealing only a single page] There must be a mistake.
Where are the dishes?
Waiter: Look under the heading.
Burney: The heading says ‘food’. There’s nothing listed underneath.
Waiter: It’s what we call a principle-based menu. I’ll put you down for food for one,
shall I?
Burney: I’m sorry, but is this a joke?
Waiter: I can assure you this new menu will be to your liking. The food will be
delicious. It will nourish. It will enrich. It will bring diners together.
Burney: Look, this doesn’t have to be a complex question. What dishes are you
offering?
Waiter: You don’t like the new menu?
Burney: How can I like it when I know nothing about it?
Waiter: Of course you will like it. The food is delicious. It nourishes. It enriches. It will
bring diners together.
Burney: So you keep saying. But how do I know what I’d be getting?
Waiter: There is a wealth of information available on Chinese cuisine, which you can
read for yourself. I suggest you start with ‘Classic Chinese Dishes’ by T. Calma & M.
Langton.
Burney: This restaurant endorses that book?
Waiter: No.
Burney: But nonetheless this restaurant serves the dishes contained in that book?
Waiter: I didn’t say that.
Burney: Then what is the point of reading it?
Waiter: It will help you understand that the food we serve is delicious. It will nourish.
It will enrich. It will bring …
Burney: Will you stop saying that! If you can’t answer simple questions, then forget it.
You’re not getting my business.
Waiter: I urge you not to be divisive. After all, the Asian owners of this restaurant
have generously extended their hand and asked you to walk with them on this
journey. You don’t want to be associated with the xenophobes, do you?
Burney: That’s preposterous! And by the way, you don’t even list prices on the menu.
What’s this going to cost me?
Waiter: It’s not our policy to reveal our prices upfront. But don’t worry, you’ll find out –
eventually!
THE MOCKER
The Mocker amuses himself by calling out poseurs, sneering social commentators, and po-
faced officials. He is deeply suspicious of those who seek increased regulation of speech and
behaviour. Believing that journal… Read more